Jay Papasan:
I’m Jay Papasan and this is The ONE Thing, your weekly guide to the simple steps that lead to extraordinary results.
Hey, gang. Jay Papasan here. Welcome back to The ONE Thing podcast. This week, I’m chatting with my coach, Jordan Freed, who’s also the head coach of The ONE Thing organization. We decided to unpack the four thieves in a way that you’ve never heard them before. The four thieves to remind you are the four thieves of productivity – the inability to say no, a fear of chaos, poor health habits, and an environment that doesn’t support your goals.
Jordan helps me explore these through the lens of coaching. If someone is challenged with their productivity, how can we diagnose which of these thieves is, at its heart, the problem? And maybe how can we then find a great solution to unlock their productivity again? If you suffer from any of these, maybe the inability to say no, maybe like me, you suffer from a fear of chaos, maybe your environment, the people around you, where you work doesn’t support your goals, we’ve got solutions for you this week.
All right, Jordan, one of the first things I learned from you when you were starting our work together on The ONE Thing and coaching is that you really leveraged a part of the book that a lot of people don’t even make it to, the four thieves of productivity in your coaching. How does that work?
Jordan Freed:
Well, I love that section. And it’s really just a simple question. When you think about productivity, I like to ask people out of the four thieves, which of the four thieves is robbing you most?
Jay Papasan:
Okay. So, what are the four thieves for people? I mean, I’m not quizzing you, I can help out here, but like-
Jordan Freed:
Inability to say no, fear of chaos, poor health habits, and the environment doesn’t support the goal.
Jay Papasan:
Got it. What do most people say, but what is the thing that most people actually really need to say?
Jordan Freed:
Great question, great question. So, most people say inability to say no.
Jay Papasan:
Okay.
Jordan Freed:
Yeah, and I actually-
Jay Papasan:
That’s why we listed it first. We presume that would be the thing that would kind of undo most people’s goals, is they couldn’t say no to things.
Jordan Freed:
I would agree. And yet, when I start to unpack that with people, I often find that it’s actually that the environment doesn’t support the goals.
Jay Papasan:
And it’s the people around them that they have to say no to that are maybe the problem or the environment itself.
Jordan Freed:
It’s both because when you guys wrote it, probably my favorite page in the book is page 172 and it’s about the bunker-
Jay Papasan:
Oh, wow.
Jordan Freed:
… and the power of the bunker. And when you think about the environment supporting the goal and that a big part of your workday is gonna be committed to the most important thing, well, what I share with people is, would it be easier to say no if you were physically and digitally bunkered because then you wouldn’t even know that the requests existed? So, we’ve gotta take the request out of the equation for most of us, especially, entrepreneurs are some of the biggest people pleasers on the face of the earth, and as you and I both know, there’s a lot of rewards for being a people pleaser.
Jay Papasan:
Oh, I mean, that’s a lot of the reason that they’re successful in business is they’re really good at saying yes to things and getting it done for people when they need a service or help. So, a lot of their identity is tied up in that.
Jordan Freed:
That’s right. That’s right.
Jay Papasan:
I just want to unpack how you just kind of broke that down. It’s really brilliant. And this idea, if you struggle with your inability to say no, it might not be, that might be the core problem, but the solution is in designing your environment to say no for you.
Jordan Freed:
Yeah, and when I first used this, Jay, it was when the book first came out. This woman came into my office, we were talking about sales. And she said, “Well, I was on my path. And yesterday morning, which was Wednesday, I was starting to make my calls.” And then, an email came in and it was specifically an offer on a home that she needed to present to a seller.” And so, she said, “I called the seller, and then I started negotiating the offer. And then, my appointments in the afternoon showed up, and I just lost track of the day.”
And my first question was, “How did you know that the offer came in? How did you know that?” And she said, “Well, it came in through my email.” And I said, “Well, how did your email get to you?” And she said, “Well, you know, a little notification, whatever.” I said, “Well, you’re not bunkered. The world can get to you, you’re not bunkered.”
And the funny part of it is, and this is why I shared earlier in my coaching career, I said, “You obviously need the time that we’re gonna invest coaching here to go make your contacts, so politely, why don’t you go ahead and take off?”
Jay Papasan:
You drew a hard line.
Jordan Freed:
I wouldn’t do that again today. I got a call from my then superior who said, “Did you just throw the number two person in the entire company out of your office?” And I said, “Yes. Yeah, I did.” But from that moment, I realized it’s not that she didn’t hit her goal because she wasn’t committed to it. It was simply because she hadn’t set up the bunker.
Jay Papasan:
No, I love that because we kind of instinctually know that we have to have some kind of bunker. We have to have some boundaries when we’re doing our important work. If we had a teenager and they were trying to do their homework, we wouldn’t let them be intermittently scrolling on Instagram where we shouldn’t be. Like we would kind of know as a parent, it’s like, “Hey, why don’t we put our phone away? And the homework will probably happen a lot faster and then you can go do the other thing that you wanna do.”
Jordan Freed:
That’s right. And you know that, today, it comes from your phone, it comes from your computer, it comes from some people’s watches. And so, just a really intelligent question that I’ve learned to ask people is, “In the morning, how many notifications can get to you? And how many different ways do they get to you?” Because I don’t understand how people work with their watch buzzing and their phone going off and all these things. So, that bunker piece, Jay, is just so, so important and we discount it.
Jay Papasan:
You just put that in the time frame you said in the morning. Is that an important part of the equation or is it any time how many notifications can come to you?
Jordan Freed:
I think in the context of The ONE Thing, when we’re talking about your most important work.
Jay Papasan:
We should be doing it in the morning.
Jordan Freed:
For most people I think that’s true. There’s some outliers, I’m sure, that are out there. And yet for most of us, especially kids or whatever, the morning time is when we wanna protect.
Jay Papasan:
Yeah, I do agree. I think the watch is one of my pet peeves. If I’m in a movie theater, and a lot of movie theaters don’t allow for phones and stuff like that. But you’ll see someone who’s constantly on their big smartwatch. It’s a little thing, but it can be very distracting to me. So, it’s like not only distracting yourself, you might be distracting everybody around you while you’re at it.
Jordan Freed:
That’s right.
Jay Papasan:
But when people we’re working with, a lot of times one of the things we’ll do if they struggle was saying no to their devices, which, think about it, there’s billions of dollars engineered into those devices getting our attention. That means they are designed to get it and hold it as long as possible. So, your digital bunker is just a great add. What are other things that you coach people to do to build a digital bunker?
Jordan Freed:
The thing is Jay, as you mentioned, there’s all these ways to grab our attention. Just last week or the week before, I was setting up a new Mac for my wife, Rochelle, and we got it all set up, and then she’s getting her text messages on it. Anytime somebody calls, it rings. FaceTime, it shows up. And so when we’re talking about-
Jay Papasan:
On her laptop?
Jordan Freed:
Yeah, yeah. And that was all defaulted. And so, as soon as we connected it to her iCloud account. And so, when we think about notifications, every device that we’re currently carrying is creating different ways to penetrate the bunker. And so, when we talk about turning off notifications, if we were having this conversation 5-10 years ago, it’s like email, shut down your social media. Today, there’s so many devices, so many different ways that we get notifications. We have five inboxes, right? I mean, so it’s a lot.
Jay Papasan:
So the default setting, we have to understand the default setting for the world is not to be protected.
Jordan Freed:
That’s right.
Jay Papasan:
The default setting is exposed instead of bunkered. And going in, that’s just a good thing to realize. If you get a new phone, if you don’t proactively change the settings, then you have exposed yourself.
Jordan Freed:
That’s right. And you know the thing I share with people is I’ve never had anyone… and maybe someone will eventually break this, right? I’ve never had anyone that could honestly look me in the eyeballs that devoted two to three hours to their one thing in the morning in a bunker that isn’t achieving their goals.
Jay Papasan:
Well, I believe that completely. I don’t even think it has to be two to three hours. Honestly, because I mean, most people might get two or three days a week. They don’t even get a full week and they don’t get two to three hours. And we know and work with a lot of them and they’re in the top 1%. But every week, they’re getting a few days in and a few hours in, and that adds up over the course of the year and over the years to monumental success. And all we’re doing is just asking for a tad bit more consistency. And it’s amazing how much that amplifies the output that comes out of that activity.
Jordan Freed:
Yeah, and we totally underestimate the impact that the environment plays on our behavior.
Jay Papasan:
Okay. All right, so you asked the question, which one, you get different answers. When you go to coaching someone on their environment, like what kind of questions do you ask? ‘Cause I mean, we have people listening in their cars, they’re on their treadmills, they’re listening. Like we, kind of, might be coaching them a little bit through remote here. How do we identify where their weak spots are? How do you go through that process?
Jordan Freed:
Well, I like to focus first on what’s optimal, right? So tell me where you do your best work.
Jay Papasan:
Most people know the answer to that, by the way.
Jordan Freed:
I agree.
Jay Papasan:
Yeah, in my experience, most people are like, “Well, I’m really good on airplanes,” or “I’m really good when the kids are gone and I’ve got the kitchen table to myself,” or whatever that is.
Jordan Freed:
Yeah, or why do so many people get so many ideas in the shower? Yeah, right? So I think that mostly for people, it’s understanding where do you do your best work? And let’s really paint the scene for that. If we’re optimizing for high performance, what are the checklists of things? I like to play a game with them, and I use Gary Keller. So I’ll say, okay, let’s just imagine that it’s a Friday. You get a phone call in the afternoon, you look down, it’s a 512 area code, which as we know is Austin.
Jay Papasan:
Where Gary lives, yeah.
Jordan Freed:
Yep, Austin. So, you answer the call and it says, please hold for Gary Keller. So Gary comes on the line and he says, “Hey, Jay. I just want you to know, I’m doing some research for a new book. I’m actually gonna be in your town on Monday. And I would like to come in and just observe you. I’m just doing some research, and I’m a fly on the wall. You won’t even know that I’m there, but I’m really looking to get some, like, firsthand experience. And so, would you mind if I came to your office?” Well, of course you’re gonna be like, “Gary Keller, yeah, Gary, yes, that’s great. I’ll see you on Monday.”
Jay Papasan:
Yeah. I’m going to hang out with Gary all day.
Jordan Freed:
Yeah. So, they’re going to give him the details. Now, you’re going to hang up that call and the shock is going to wear off. And then, there’s two things, Jay, that I kind of lean into with people. Number one is, what would you do to prepare your space?
Jay Papasan:
I was about to say, you’re probably seeing your space in a whole new light.
Jordan Freed:
That’s right. That’s right. What would you do to prepare your space for Gary to be in that environment? And so, after they kind of like get their mind wrapped around that, we get some very tangible things. So, whether you’re listening to this in the car or wherever you might be, just think about what that would feel like and what is it that I would actually do to get my space ready for Gary to be in it.
Now, he’s here. And if Gary’s in the environment, what are the things that you currently do that you would never allow him to see you do? And so, all I’m looking to do – it’s not a shame conversation, it’s a standard conversation – I just want to know when you’re thinking at that level, what are the most obvious changes that you would make to your approach, whether from the environment or from the performance, if Gary was on his way or in the environment?
Jay Papasan:
As someone who works in Gary’s environment all the time, I would get rid of any unhealthy snacks if I don’t get lectures around managing my health because Gary is gonna have no boundaries about where he’s gonna go coaching you if he sees an opportunity for you to optimize your life. You’re not gonna maybe have your cell phone open right by your computer if you were riding that day. I mean, there’s so many things that you would do. And it’s not about neatening up the joint. It would be about creating the facade of a productive person and more productive person than you currently are.
Jordan Freed:
That’s right. And so, whatever those things are, whether it’s from the preparing, go do three or four of those. It doesn’t have to be perfect. And then the things that you would never allow him to see you do, let’s just start cleaning that up a little bit.
Jay Papasan:
Okay. I love that. I’m just going to end that because it’s cracking me up and giving me a little PTSD too. Having to make sure accountability, right? Like, at any day when I work, Gary could walk into my office environment and he’s got standards. And he’s learned the hard thing that you have the conversations early. And if he sees an opportunity for you to improve, like people who go, “I’m worried if Gary likes my performance,” I’m like, “You will know if he doesn’t.” And he’ll come at it from a coach, not from some angry or anything. He’s not that kind of guy, but he’ll let you know.
So, let’s go to take a quick break. And on the other side, we’ll go farther into maybe some of the other areas, if it’s not the environment, what are some of the other ways that you as a coach have helped people find their productivity and escape these thieves?
So most people will answer the inability to say no. That will often, as you unpack that with more questions and curiosity, lead to their environment, their digital or their physical bunker. What would be the second most common that you get to coach to?
Jordan Freed:
Well, I want to stick on that inability to say no for a second, if you don’t mind.
Jay Papasan:
Okay, so sometimes it is that.
Jordan Freed:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.
Jay Papasan:
Okay, that’s great.
Jordan Freed:
And I used to think, Jay, that just making people aware of their people-pleasing tendencies was enough to absolve them of them. And then I found out that awareness is not enough, right? And the reason is that people-pleasing has a lot of secondary benefits. We built the company on that. Maybe your family or your household is run that way.
And so, one of the things that I’m always looking to do is how do I help them let go of this idea if it’s not healthy for them, so that we can find a better one. And so, I’ll just ask a simple question. A lot of the people I work with have children. As it relates to your inability to say no, or the people pleasing, and the unhealthy side of it, the downside of it, how is your current approach to life or business different than the ones you would want your children to take?
Jay Papasan:
Okay. We’re using this and the last time you were here, we talked about the most powerful tool a coach has is the imagination. So, instead of giving yourself advice, you’re giving your precious child.
Jordan Freed:
That’s right. So, if this is not the approach that you would coach a child to take, well, first, I’m just curious why. Why wouldn’t you teach little Leah or Zoe or whomever that this is the way to do it. And although there are secondary benefits, right, there’s also a cost. There’s downsides to this. That could be in your health, that could be in your relationships, right?
Jay Papasan:
Most people bring it up because they’re seeing the side effects.
Jordan Freed:
That’s right.
Jay Papasan:
So you don’t have to diagnose whether it’s a healthy or unhealthy version of not saying no.
Jordan Freed:
Right.
Jay Papasan:
Okay, cool. Just want to clarify that.
Jordan Freed:
I do want them to get to a place where they realize it’s not the only way because coaching people is about helping them realize the choices that they have. And so, when we put it through the lens of people we love, or our children especially, we will not knowingly teach our limits to our children. We won’t consciously teach our limits to our children. And that’s a great-
Jay Papasan:
But we unconsciously do it.
Jordan Freed:
That’s right.
Jay Papasan:
A lot.
Jordan Freed:
That’s right. So, on the inability to say no, that’s gonna be the place. If it truly is the inability to say no, that’s the place I’m gonna go. And then, we’re gonna get very clear about what is that different approach and how can we engineer that, so that you don’t lose your business, so that you don’t lose the thing that you’ve built, but you can do it in a healthier way that allows you to win in more areas of your life, which is what everybody wants, right? It’s the seven circles, not just one.
Jay Papasan:
Right. Yeah. I love that. And taking it to your kids, you’ve done that to me plenty in our coaching sessions and it feels like a cheap shot. I mean, come on.
Jordan Freed:
It works.
Jay Papasan:
Yes, it is. It’s very effective. But awareness, you have to be aware. So that is a part of it, but it’s not the solution.
Jordan Freed:
No, no.
Jay Papasan:
And I think what you’re doing is you’re taking the awareness of the challenge they’re facing to the cost of that challenge that they weren’t aware of.
Jordan Freed:
That’s right. That’s right.
Jay Papasan:
And it might be setting a horrible example for your children. What is it, maybe you were quoting someone, we want to be examples to our kids.
Jordan Freed:
We don’t want to be warnings, we want to be examples.
Jay Papasan:
Right. We want to be examples to our kids, not warnings.
Jordan Freed:
Yeah, that’s right.
Jay Papasan:
Yeah, it’s true.
Jordan Freed:
And so, what I find, Jay, is that awareness is going to open up new possibility. But then it’s all about agency and accountability. So, agency is the degree of control you feel you possess over your feelings, thoughts, and actions. And then, accountability is finding the right cycle for you to get yourself to follow through on this different way, knowing that you’re going gonna slip back into your old tendencies, it’s going to happen. Just like you say in the book, we’re gonna do our best to do our 66-day challenge. And then yet, if we fall off, we’re gonna get back on.
Jay Papasan:
Right. So, when someone is struggling with this, like where do you start? What’s the first domino as we talk about? Like, what’s the smallest increment that you can coach them to say is like, let’s make some small successes? If you’ve really been struggling with this, because I do believe a lot of people, even if it’s not about their environment, they are people pleasing, and they’ve been rewarded for so long, like what’s a baby step they can take towards that?
Jordan Freed:
I call this prompting and priming.
Jay Papasan:
Okay, prompting and priming.
Jordan Freed:
So, like, a lot of times, with the people pleasing thing, it’s going to show up as control. They’re trying to control things. And there was one client in particular that she was just running herself ragged because she’s holding onto stuff and putting her hand in stuff that she shouldn’t be. And so, prompting is simply coming up with a statement that we remind ourselves in the morning and it’s like the prompting of your focus or the prompting of your RAS, your Reticular Activating System. Look that up if you don’t know what it is. But the statement that we came up with is, “Today, I will let go of something that I normally would have held on to.” So, that’s prompting her focus.
Now, the priming or what I’ll sometimes call progress is at the end of the day, I had her ask herself a question. We took the statement and turned it into a question. What did I let go of today that I normally would’ve held onto? And so, I’m not looking for you to be perfect. I just want one example where you knowingly, in this context, let go of something that you would have held onto because that’s evidence of change. A different decision is evidence of change.
Jay Papasan:
I love that. And that’s a good baby step and you’re letting them pick the thing.
Jordan Freed:
That’s right.
Jay Papasan:
But you’re just helping them again, going back to that awareness. When we talk about goals before phones in the morning, if you can kind of prime your awareness for the things that you want to say yes or in this case no to, it becomes so much easier to recognize that when it’s right in front of you.
Jordan Freed:
Yeah, the tools have to be practical. We have to be able to use them in everyday life because most of the people listening to this Jay, are not walking around with empty plates looking for them to be filled. So, the tools have to be very practical and that’s a perfect example of a first domino or a lead domino.
Jay Papasan:
Yeah, they just need a small practice that’ll have a big result for them and that’s a good example of one. All right, so if we’ve kind of booked into the conversation unintentionally, inability to say no and environment doesn’t support your goals, of the two in the middle, health and chaos, which one shows up most in your coaching conversations?
Jordan Freed:
Fear of chaos.
Jay Papasan:
Fear of chaos?
Jordan Freed:
Yeah. Again, I think that that’s the problem that they would admit to. You know, I think that the health problem, that’s a big thing.
Jay Papasan:
It takes a lot more safety in the coaching relationship to get to.
Jordan Freed:
Yeah, that’s true. But if we’re talking about fear of chaos, you know Jay, I got so blessed because in 2020, you and I were at a family reunion in Dallas, Texas, and this was February.
Jay Papasan:
Right before the pandemic.
Jordan Freed:
Right before the pandemic, yeah. Now, a month later, the world shuts down. I have business owners that are asking questions like, what if the revenue that we had planned doesn’t come in?
Jay Papasan:
Yeah, we weren’t sure it was ever coming back for a little while.
Jordan Freed:
What if I can’t make payroll? Now, I can sit there and cheerlead them and, “Oh, Jay, it’s going to be okay. Don’t think that way.” What I did, though, is I just said, “Listen, let’s write that question down. What if the market closes down? What if you can’t make payroll, what would be our primary plan?” And somewhere along the way, Jay, I picked up this acronym PACE. I think it was from the military.
Jay Papasan:
It’s from the military, yeah.
Jordan Freed:
Yeah. And when they run an operative, I believe this is right, they can fact check me on it, but they have a primary, alternate, contingent, and emergency plan. So when we have this chaos and fear-
Jay Papasan:
Plans A, B, C, and D.
Jordan Freed:
That’s right, that’s right.
Jay Papasan:
In the chaos of combat, plan A is gonna be ditched pretty quick most likely. Right.
Jordan Freed:
Right. And yet, when I was having those coaching conversations, and we’re asking the question, what if I can’t make payroll? Okay, that’s a very real possibility based on what’s happening in the world. What would our primary plan be? Well, that’s why we have reserves. Okay, well, the reserves are gone. What’s our alternate plan? What’s the contingency plan? And then the emergency plan is we help everybody go file for unemployment. Now, the thing is that what it does is it converts the chaos into clarity. And when we can access clarity, we get to feel certainty.
Jay Papasan:
And that allows us to feel calm instead of afraid.
Jordan Freed:
That’s right. And that-
Jay Papasan:
If we’re going for more Cs.
Jordan Freed:
I like everything to start with the same letter. But it worked so well, because it’s the equivalent of turning on the light in the closet so your kids know the boogeyman is not actually there. And even in the absence of, we have no good answers as far as answers we love in a time like that, but here are all the evils, and we’re gonna start with the lesser and work our way down. And there wasn’t a single client that I can remember that left those conversations not feeling more empowered.
Jay Papasan:
So what does PACE stand for again?
Jordan Freed:
Primary, Alternative, Contingent, and Emergency.
Jay Papasan:
Got it. So we have four plans that we can implement. And that is like, you’re talking about a time where the world really did change.
Jordan Freed:
Totally.
Jay Papasan:
And like, it was kind of an asteroid hit. Like it came out of nowhere. People didn’t know what to do with it. It had been… I don’t know, the last time we had a real pandemic was like in the 1950s. So most people had no experience with it whatsoever. And so that’s where fear was completely legit.
Jordan Freed:
Totally.
Jay Papasan:
I also hear a lot of what ifs, and I don’t want to in any way diminish it, but when you think about anxiety and worry, a lot of people start spinning. They see the first signs of chaos, and then they start imagining it at scale. Well, what if I have two of these things happen when we only have this many customers, but what about when I have 100 customers? And what about when I have 2,000? They start going through the what if of what if this first time or the second time that I’m seeing something happens becomes the norm. You know what I’m talking about?
Jordan Freed:
Yeah, and yet my question if we were in a coaching conversation would be, how many of those questions your intuition is asking you are you thoughtfully answering? So what if you had a hundred clients? Okay, that’s a very real possibility.
Jay Papasan:
Got it.
Jordan Freed:
We just need to be more thoughtful about it because your brain does not like to live in the loop of unanswered questions. So, if it poses the question of “Well, what if,” great, write it down? Now, let’s actually thoughtfully do our best to answer it and we’re not taught that we just let one go on to the next. And then, it’s the shoe in the dryer of your mind, and it’s going to just zap your energy.
Jay Papasan:
Thump, thump, thump. Yeah. That’s the cycle that I sometimes, when I’m in a relationship where I need to be assuming the coach, I feel like we’re doing so much what if planning and worrying, when a lot of what we’re imagining, I feel like is unlikely from where I sit and it could just be what if we turn this into a just-in-case. But maybe we still need to have a just-in-case plan, but then just let now, let’s not forget it. Like if we get to a hundred customers, we’ve got this thing, we can dust it off and take a look at it. But I think a lot of times we get caught up worrying about things that might happen that aren’t clear at all that they will happen. How do you get people out of that cycle?
Jordan Freed:
I mean, is this a productive or unproductive fear?
Jay Papasan:
Most of the time, I think even logically, sometimes they know it’s unproductive.
Jordan Freed:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jay Papasan:
But I mean, I’m talking somewhat for myself. Like fear of chaos was my number one. I don’t like to feel like I’m out of control. That creates my anxiety triggers. And what I don’t need is to be spiraling on things that are very unlikely, but in my mind, they’re going there.
Jordan Freed:
Right, okay. So the question is, is how do we pull you out of that?
Jay Papasan:
Yeah.
Jordan Freed:
Yeah, well, there’s a number of ways that you can do that.
Jay Papasan:
Is answering the unanswered question, one of them though?
Jordan Freed:
Oh, it’s totally one.
Jay Papasan:
Okay, that’s probably the first place you go.
Jordan Freed:
Yeah, it’s slowing people down and actually thoughtfully doing it. And we know, there’s the difference between knowledge and wisdom is practice. Knowing about something is not the same as living it. And so, I can give you all these practices, but you will not know the benefits of them if you don’t practice them. And so, the other thing, Jay, as it relates to anxiety or whatever, I have a list of five questions that I ask, and if I have the time, I can usually kind of root this out of them.
Jay Papasan:
Lay them on me. Do you have them on the top of your head?
Jordan Freed:
Oh, yeah. First one is, what is it that you’re not doing and you know you should be? What is it that you’re not doing and you know you should be at? Anxiety can often just be a check engine light. And it’s like, “Hey, man, I need you to pay attention here.” Because we pay attention way more to pain than we do pleasure. So, the second one is, Jay, what is it that you’re doing that you know you shouldn’t be?
Jay Papasan:
They’re like cousins right there.
Jordan Freed:
Oh, 100%. Because oftentimes anxiety could be the symptom of you’re living below your personal standard or out of your values, and I’m trying to trigger your attention. We are extremely intuitive, right? The third one, what is it that you’re preaching and not practicing? This is what it is, Jay. Where do you feel inauthentic? We have a need. And that’s something I’ve always appreciated about you. You’re, out of everybody I know, I don’t know very many people that fight as hard as you do to be authentic.
Jay Papasan:
Thank you. That means a lot. I mean, it’s important.
Jordan Freed:
And I mean that. The next one is, what is the molehill you’re making into a mountain? What’s the minor you’re majoring in, Jay? Hey, Jay, can you think about what your big problem was on this date last year? And see, that’s what they usually do is they’ll laugh and I’m like-
Jay Papasan:
Uncomfortably.
Jordan Freed:
Like, no, I don’t remember. What was bothering you last year at this time, Jay? I don’t remember. Okay, cool. And then the last one, Jay, and this is the big one, what’s the uncontrollable you’re seeking to control? And what we have to understand is that self-mastery, I believe, is the mastery of the control coin. And there’s two sides to that coin.
One side of it is the realization, the acceptance of what I do not control. And then the other one is understanding that I am going to master what I do, right? I am going to become a master of my thoughts, my feelings, and my actions. And what I’ve really come to know is that when I focus on the things that I can’t control, I lose control of the things that I do. And that’s pretty miserable.
Jay Papasan:
Yeah. But when you focus on the things you can control, the things you can’t, feel a lot less scary.
Jordan Freed:
And another one, Jay, just, hey Jay, is this bringing the best out of you? Are you showing up as the player that’s gonna play this game at the highest level? Is this the guy, the one that’s afraid, that’s triggered all this stuff? Probably not.
Jay Papasan:
Okay. So you’ve coached this more than a little bit.
Jordan Freed:
Oh, yeah.
Jay Papasan:
You’ve got it deeply in your arsenal. Well, now, in the interest of time, there’s somebody out there going, “Tell me about the health.” Like, if that comes up, where do you go? Cause I want to hit the third thieves, but the fourth that we’re addressing here.
Jordan Freed:
Yeah, the health thing is big, Jay. And the biggest thing that I start with are, what are the most obvious changes that we can make? You know, what are the most obvious?
Jay Papasan:
The big stuff.
Jordan Freed:
Yeah, because here’s the thing, I call it the health hierarchy. So how long can you live without exercise? How old was Stephen Hawking when he passed away? In his 70s?
Jay Papasan:
A long time.
Jordan Freed:
Yeah, a long time.
Jay Papasan:
I was gonna say, it seems like a long time. I don’t even know how to guess.
Jordan Freed:
I had an uncle who had cerebral palsy who lived till he was 75 years old and never got out of a wheelchair, never stood up. So, you can live a long time without exercise, right? How long can you live without food?
Jay Papasan:
Weeks.
Jordan Freed:
Weeks, that’s right. Three weeks. How long can you live without sleep?
Jay Papasan:
I thought you were going to go to water next.
Jordan Freed:
Everybody does.
Jay Papasan:
Sleep, I mean, I feel like you can go days. I mean, like there’s probably like… it’s maybe even a week.
Jordan Freed:
It’s about five to seven. Five to seven, depending on who you are. Five to seven. How long can you go without water?
Jay Papasan:
That’s got to be days too, but it’s probably more like three, four.
Jordan Freed:
Two to three. Two to three for most people. How long can you go without air?
Jay Papasan:
Probably about six minutes.
Jordan Freed:
Yeah. For most, it’s actually three before brain damage sets in.
Jay Papasan:
Oh, really?
Jordan Freed:
Unless you have a high-density mask.
Jay Papasan:
I figured I would be unconscious, but I might not be-
Jordan Freed:
Right. Okay. Now-
Jay Papasan:
I fell into a frozen river, I have longer.
Jordan Freed:
There you go. So, there’s a hierarchy to health.
Jay Papasan:
Yeah, and it’s obvious when you put it that way.
Jordan Freed:
Right. And so, what everybody goes to is like, oh, I got to start exercising, I got to eat. Well, those are the things that take the most time. And I’m not saying that those things aren’t important, but why don’t we start with breathing? Why don’t we start with getting enough water? Water is the thing, Jay, that none of the health experts actually argue about. Nobody’s like, quit drinking water.
Jay Papasan:
Nobody argues about breathing either, by the way.
Jordan Freed:
No. And now, especially over the last, I’d say five to 10 years, nobody really argues about sleep anymore either.
Jay Papasan:
Oh, man.
Jordan Freed:
And so, when we get into the health thing, Jay, in all practicality, let’s talk about breath, let’s make sure you’re drinking enough water, and then let’s really focus on optimizing for sleep just for the next week, and then see if you start feeling better. Then, we’ll start to add in some of these other elements. But if you try to take on everything at once, the intensity of that will rob you of consistency.
Jay Papasan:
All right, this has been awesome. Like we’ve covered a lot of this in our own coaching sessions but some of it is brand new territory. So, thank you for sharing kind of how… I’m sure so many people are listening to these, one of those was theirs because we all have at least one, if not more. And hopefully, they got some real benefit. So between now and next week, would you be willing to share like a first domino type challenge? What’s one action someone could take that they could commit to right now, listening to this podcast, that they could go take action on before next week?
Jordan Freed:
I think the biggest thing, Jay, is right where we started, and it would be engineer the bunker. Set up your environment to win. And I think that we live up to the expectations of our environment. And so, do as thoughtful of a job, page 172 in the book, physically and digitally design that bunker. And just see if the other thieves don’t start leaving you alone.
Jay Papasan:
I love that. Thanks a lot, Jordan.
Jordan Freed:
Yeah, my pleasure.
Jay Papasan:
But that was fun. It was weird. When I was recording that, I was absolutely exhausted. But whenever I sit down with Jordan and we start talking about The ONE Thing, we both just light up. I hope you could just feel the energy of us exploring the book and how we use it to help people in our coaching. Love that episode.
And here’s the exciting thing. Next week, we are bringing back a very special guest for guess what? It’ll be our 500th episode. I cannot believe 500 episodes of The ONE Thing podcast. And maybe you’ve been here since the beginning. And if you have, you’ll recognize our guest, Mr. Geoff Woods himself, my original co-founder and the original host of this podcast. If you love listening to Geoff like I did, I hope you’ll tune in next week as we explore. Well, God knows what we’ll explore. You’ll have to listen next week to find out.
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